Katherine Susannah's Wonderful World
I really hadn’t given much thought to a femme name until I began looking around on the Internet for cross-dressing support. One site recommended a femme name for some reason or other, and after some thought, I chose ‘Katherine.’ Later, in filling out a form to join a support group, there was a spot for a middle name also. I don’t know why, but I typed in ‘Susannah’ and the name has been with me ever since. Because of the length of the name, I later shortened it to a nickname: ‘Kathi Sue.’ I was also curious as to its' meaning, so I visited the babynames.com site, and researched it. I found that Katherine, and Susannah, are of Hebrew origin (big surprise…most names are!) and that all variations of Katherine (Kate, Kathi, Katie, Catherine, etc.), all have the same meaning: ‘Pure, Virginal.’ The same is true of Susannah (Susan, Sue, Susie … etc.,) and it means ‘Lily.’ I don’t think I could have chosen a better name had I known before hand their meanings. I liked the way Katherine Susannah flowed, and I like it even more now that I know what it means - "Pure, Virginal Lily!"
Wearing women’s attire has been a part of my life since I was about three to three and a half years old. I recall several instances that my mother brought in the clean clothes from the clothesline, and placed them on the bed in preparation for sorting, dampening, and ironing. I would climb up on the bed and dig out a pair of her stockings, put them on, and wear them around the house. Also, about this time I asked her if little boys grew up to be mommies, and little girls to be daddies. She told me that boys grew up to be daddies, and girls grew up to be mommies. I don’t recall being disappointed at her answer, but rather just curious what I would be when I grew up, however I did think it would be nice to grow up to be a mommy. I wasn’t even aware of the sexes then, just that I had a daddy, mommy, some brothers and a sister, and that dad and my brothers dressed differently from mom and my sister.
At about the age of four, I recall asking for, and receiving, a pair of Mom's old heels to wear outside to play in. Some of the other kids (all girls) wore their mothers’ shoes while playing outside, and I saw no reason why I shouldn’t. I still wasn’t aware of the differences between boys and girls – only that they were dressed different.
Sometime while in elementary school, I realized that boys and girls were different, and not just because of the way they dressed, although I didn’t quite know what the difference was! During recess, I often wished I was a particular girl – usually the girl who was wearing the prettiest dress that day. I realized that I could never be a girl, but that didn’t stop me from wishing. There was also an aunt (one of Mom’s sisters) who lived in the same little town we did. The aunt lived with my grandmother, and took care of her. The aunt had a granddaughter she often bought dresses for…but the granddaughter didn’t live where we did. The granddaughter and I are the same age, and at that time, were about the same size, so I was often used as a model for those dresses. My mother, the aunt, and my grandmother never made any comment about me modeling the dresses, or how I looked in them, just remarks as to how the dresses would look and fit on the granddaughter. The second time I was used as a model, I told my mother, aunt, and grandmother that if I was going to put on a dress, I was taking off my boy clothing. “Go ahead," was the response, so every time from then on that I modeled, I removed my male attire, except for underwear.
I discovered women’s panties about this time, and decided that I was the only boy who liked to wear women’s things; even if it was only stockings and panties, so dressing became a secret I kept to myself for many years. Junior High and High School was more of the same. A friend who knew I liked to occasionally wear panties and hose had two older sisters who regularly roller-skated on Friday and Saturday evenings.The friend skated once in a while, and I did too, but he usually stayed home alone while his parents took the girls skating, and then waited at the rink until it was time to bring them home. Those evenings were enchanting to me, as I spent them at his house, wearing his sisters’ clothing – a bra, garter belt and stockings, heels, bobbie sox and saddle oxfords, a poodle skirt with several petticoats underneath, whatever I was in the mood to wear on any given night. I especially enjoyed wearing the poodle skirts, petticoats, bobbie sox, and saddle oxfords, because that was the current style for high school girls.
After graduating from High School, I didn’t have too many opportunities to dress, and it slowed down, even after I was married. I told my wife before we were married about liking to wear women’s clothing, and she never said much one way or the other, except that it was silly. She did allow me to wear a bra and one of her nightgowns to bed three or four times, but as she thought it silly, it wasn’t long until I began dressing in secret again, and dressing in her clothing when I had the chance. I would sometimes buy lingerie for myself, wear them several times, and then feeling guilty, I would throw everything away. This lasted over 40 years, and I was ashamed every time I dressed, and was constantly afraid of being discovered.
I do not consider myself a woman in a man’s body, nor do I wish to take female hormones, or even undergo a sex change. I am not gay, bisexual, or homosexual. I am simply a male that likes to wear women’s clothing, who was happily married for over 40 years until the death of my wife, and who has several children and grandchildren, all of whom I love dearly. Our kids and their spouses, but not their children, know I cross-dress, and even get out in public. They were told so they would not be surprised after my death, and surprisingly, are somewhat supportive..
I found, and joined Tri-Ess in early 2003, and have been a member and supporter of the organization ever since. I also became a member of Sigma-Mu, the local Tri-Ess chapter. In November of 2003, Sigma-Mu elected me Vice President, and in November 2004, Secretary, the position I still hold.
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